Who’s Joe Cooper?

Name’s Joe.  Joe Cooper.  And the pleasure’s all mine.  Truly. 

I suppose the one thing you need to know about me is that I’m a vampire.  Now, no need to run away-yet.  I’m one of the good guys.  Sure, I’ll tap your vein the first chance I get, but I promise you won’t feel–or remember–a thing.  I’m good at that–making it seem like something you’ve always wanted, something you need as much as I do.  Something you rather enjoy in that unbelievably intimate sort of way. 

Guess the other thing you should know–I’m a figment.  Of imagination.  The imagination belongs to some dame with eyes the color of the darkest chocolate and hair almost to match.  Nice sort of broad, friendly in a way.  But boy, she’s got one of those imaginations that never quits.  You ever meet her, you might find it hard to believe the thoughts that go through that head.  But enough about her, this is about me.  Not that I like to hear the sound of my own voice, but that’s why you’re here–isn’t it?  You want to know what it’s like–being one of my kind.  Undead, eternally damned, bloodsucker–vampire. 

Well, I gotta tell you–it’s glorious.  Sure, some of us bitch and moan about walking this place immortal.  Everyone you love dies, your body never changes, you miss out on human dreams–having children and whatnot.  No one likes a whiner.  And some of those things are still possible. 

What else?  Oh, yeah–I’m a medical examiner.  Figure knowing the dead as I do, that wouldn’t be the worst gig.  And I move around–often.  Ive been all over–Chicago, Boston, San Antonio (whew, love those Senoritas–their blood tastes like tequila and lime), New Orleans–too many places to list.  Right now–I’m in Detroit.  But that will change.  Who knows–might hit your neck of the woods next.  Wouldn’t that be a hoot.  Good times to be had by all–I promise.  And I’m a vampire of his word.

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